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Asking the RIGHT Questions


The modern society has increasingly subsided an ability to ask the right questions among its pupils. In fact, it’s one of the cornerstones of this 21st century. With the overwhelming increase in population and technology, one of the most fundamental characteristics of been human is ignored and is decisively kept out of the picture from all sort of modern livelihoods.

Almost everything we do, it has embedded a transactional structure within it, which is the epitome of our social greed and delusion. We live life as a series of transactions which is basically a measured give and take of things, feelings and or emotions. We are not a part of any universal process anymore, at least we think we don’t and so we are not concerned about the reality as it actually is since the reality that we have invented in our heads is keeping us quite busy.

We have adopted an approach of living an individualistic life, thus converting everything we have surrounding us, like forests, rivers, the air we breathe including all living beings, to a mere resource. We are no longer using these (natural) resources but rather abusing them to get as much pleasure out of it as it possible. We are not thinking straight as we have stopped asking the right questions. But asking the right questions can’t be ignored perpetually. Sooner or later we have to wake up from our cozy dreams and get up from our dirty beds.

Up until we reach such a stage, an ability to ask the right questions is, unfortunately, a skill and not a natural adaptation. And so like all skills it needs to be learned, forcefully, through impartial observations and more importantly, through regular practice. Now as I am practicing this from quite some time, I thought of sharing some of my insights and a few lessons learned, with a naïve hope, that it might serve one of you as guidelines. So let’s dig in.

How to know exactly when to ask the right questions?

-Every time you need to make a decision, you need to ask the right questions. You can ignore the petty decisions like which restaurants to go, which dress to wear etc.

How to figure out whether the question is a right question or not?

-If your initial reaction is to ignore the question altogether, it’s most probably the righteous question in that situation. Try to be utterly and brutally honest and brainstorm that very question deeply and peacefully.
-It must be universally applicable.
- It’s making you think beyond your lifetime.

What if there are multiple answers?

-This will happen more times than you will hope for so don’t beat yourself up. Just respect all alternatives and try to figure out the most probable answer. 

      Remember that the goal is not to find the right answer but to ask the right questions, so as to bring the ignorance lulling deep with us into our attention.

Few sample questions per common scenarios:

Job:
  •     Have I learned anything new in the last three months?
  •         How many times in last one month I was angry during my job?
  •        Would I refer my job position to my dearest friend or a relative?
  •        When was the last time when hours flew by but I felt it’s just tens of minutes?

Marriage:
  •     What’s the compatibility (physical and social) between us out of a scale of 1 to 10?
  •     Is there anything I am hiding because I am scared to tell?
  •         How much of our future goals and wishes align?
  •        What’s our agreement on adjustments and sacrifices in the future?
  •        Where does our needs of Money, Pleasure, Work and lastly Social activities fall on a scale of 1 to 10?

Health (Body):
  •        Would your friends and colleagues agree that I am healthy?
  •        Am I getting a good night sleep?
  •        Do I overeat? How often?
  •        When was the last time I smiled?
  •        When was the last time I exercised for at least 15 min?

Peace & Happiness (Mind):
  •        When was the last time I did meditation for at least 15 min?
  •        When was the last time I saw a kid smiling and smiled with him or her?
  •        When the last time I didn't use the internet for a whole day or even for 2-3 hours on a stretch?
  •        When was the last time I felt my mind at calm and had no wishes at all?
  •        When was the last time I was angry or frustrated or anxious?

This process is inherently hard so don’t give up easily and try to do your best.

Best of luck!!!
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